Get over it.
This is probably one of the most damaging phrases. It’s right up there with “Man Up”. What it is saying to someone is to ignore how you feel about something and to push it down and forget all about it.
I preach a lot about feeling your feelings, that they are there to tell you something. Depression comes from the “Depression” of emotions. When you depress an emotion like sadness you push it down, ignore it and tell yourself that feeling that way is inappropriate or unacceptable.
But you feel it.
Why would you feel something if it wasn’t important?
Your emotions are the most important thing in your world, yet we think we can outrun them or shove them in a cupboard.
I don’t believe you ever get over anyone or anything.
If you think about it, everything you experience becomes a part of you. It changes shape, but it doesn’t disappear.
My Dad used to hit me around the back of my head. He did it, in his eyes, to be playful. But I notice, even to this day when a branch or something grazes the back of my head, I flinch. I feel a slight shockwave through my body.
My nervous system remembers him doing that to me probably up until I was 16. I don’t just get over it now that he’s dead, or because it has been over 20 years since he last did it.
No.
My body remembers.
Ok, so that is physical trauma. But what about emotional trauma?
Take relationships for example. How many people actually take the time to feel the sadness and pain of heartbreak before moving on?
They say to get over someone, get under someone. Find someone new etc etc.
But when does that really work?
Moving from one person to the next rarely gives you time to learn. It rarely gives you time to feel..
Ok, so that is physical trauma. But what about emotional trauma?
Take relationships for example. How many people actually take the time to feel the sadness and pain of heartbreak before moving on?
They say to get over someone, get under someone. Find someone new etc etc.
But when does that really work?
Moving from one person to the next rarely gives you time to learn. It rarely gives you time to feel.
I hold the belief that when you love someone you love them forever. Once you are bitten, the venom of love runs deep in your blood. It stays there. Sometimes it lays dormant, but it’s always there.
Love is eternal.
Unless that person you thought you loved wasn’t actually who they claimed to be. Then you simply loved an idea, a story.
We often think in time that it fades. That time is linear in the same way distance is.
“But time does not mean distance.”
I still experience the same flinch from over 20 years ago.
No matter how much time has passed.
When that love runs deep. When it’s real and when that relationship is over.
What else will you do to get over them?
Turn them into a villain. Hate them. Be angry with them. Because you know that anger is a far easier emotion to feel than sadness.
Leave the country and travel. Marry someone else.
But when that anger eases, your visa runs out and the marriage is over, what then?
“Wherever you go, there you are.”
Your experiences become a part of you. They become wisdom.
There’s no getting over that.
Much Love,